


Elevator Pitch

by blurrylines



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Takes place before Episode 17 in the anime, ereri, lots of pining and angst, this ship ruins me and so this happened
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:03:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27941225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blurrylines/pseuds/blurrylines
Summary: Eren does not know what to do. He doesn’t have one fucking idea, actually. There are no instructions in his Cadet training materials nor do the Corps teach any courses on what to do if you’re stuck in an elevator with a superior you have feelings for and he can’t come up with anything on his own at the moment.So he has no other choice but to stay still and justbreathe.“Eren,” the Captain’s clipped voice cuts through the silence. “Are you alright?”“Yes,” he manages, not daring to ignore the Captain’s question. But he doesn’t turn around to face him because doing so would mean having to look into his steel grey eyes - something he really doesn’t want to. Not after what happened last night.(or a "Eren and Levi get trapped in an elevator after confessing AU")
Relationships: Levi & Eren Yeager, Levi/Eren Yeager
Comments: 12
Kudos: 149





	1. Selfish

_There’s no way this is happening_ , Eren thinks in disbelief. His brain stutters for a moment and his eyes blink furiously, as if he could force himself to wake up from this nightmare. Every part of his body is on pause while his thoughts catch up.

He quickly assess the situation at hand, made difficult by the lack of air in the tight space he’s trapped in, but he gulps and breathes out, and manages to come up with the following:

Firstly, he’s standing (albeit trembling a little bit) inside an elevator that had moments ago _lurched_ violently before coming to a shaking halt. He hears the grinding halt of the gears and ropes holding the contraption suspended.

Second, the elevator is slowly steadying, no longer swaying back and forth, but the panic of his thoughts continues to be the perfect backdrop to the loud thrum of his heartbeats. 

Lastly, and perhaps mostly, he’s not alone.

He’s trapped in this elevator with none other than Captain Levi, the very last person he wants to be here with right now.

_Holy Maria._

Eren takes a shallow breath.

If only he could wake up from this nightmare. 

Eren does not know what to do. He doesn’t have one fucking idea, actually. There are no instructions in his Cadet training materials nor do the Corps teach any courses on what to do if you’re stuck in an elevator with a superior you have feelings for and he can’t come up with anything on his own at the moment.

So he has no other choice but to stay still and just _breathe_. 

“Eren,” the Captain’s clipped voice cuts through the silence. “Are you alright?”

“Yes,” he manages, not daring to ignore the Captain’s question. But he doesn’t turn around to face him because doing so would mean having to look into his steel grey eyes - something he really doesn’t want to. Not after what happened last night.

  
  
  
  
  
  


_The moonlight casts a light glow on the castle grounds that illuminates the stable just enough to allow Eren’s eyes to see his horse’s mane flicker in the night breeze._

_It’s nearing winter and the air at night is frigid. Eren pulls on his cape, hoping to keep the chill off his skin but the thin material does little to abate the cold._

_He strokes the mare’s neck gently, his hand moving up and down absentmindedly. It isn’t like him to be out so late, especially not in the dead of night, but he has a reason to be here._

_Or at least, he hopes he does._

_Will he show up? He wonders. He was very clear in his message, and he’s confident that it was received. But there had been no response. Just a boy’s foolish hope._

_So he waits._

  
  
  
  
  


“How many times have I said the Engineers should focus on building weapons, not transportation devices,” the Captain mutters under his breath, either doing a fantastic job of ignoring Eren’s staccato heartbeat or unable to hear it. “I’m not surprised this thing broke."

“Right,” Eren doesn’t know what else to say. He’d been on his way to see Commander Erwin about their 57th Exterior Scouting mission tomorrow, and Levi must have been headed somewhere too. Eren curses their timing, curses the elevator, and curses the damn Engineering Corps for inventing this thing in the first place.

 _Goddess Rose_ , if only there was some kind of eject button, or if he had his swords with him, but neither options are available to him and it seems the world is set on playing a cruel joke on him today.

“Let’s hope it doesn't take too long before someone notices this thing’s broken.” He sounds resigned and Eren wonders if he feels as trapped as he does. 

If only he had Armin’s brains. Armin would know exactly the right thing to say in this situation, he’s certain of it. A string of words to diffuse the tension in the air...

Something. Anything.

“At least it’s not cold in here.”

Seriously?

This is the best his own brain could come up with? 

“No,” Levi says in his subdued tone. “Just awkward.”

Eren finally turns around at that to face him and their eyes meet, his green ones boring right into Levi’s steely ones, the usual carefully-crafted indifference behind them missing. Instead, what he finds there... and maybe he’s mistaking it, but he thinks it might be sincerity.

“I want to explain, Eren, about last night.”

A knot builds in his gut, as if someone is grabbing his innards and twisting them around by the handful and he wonders how Levi can be so deadly even without his blades. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_He hears the familiar sound of boots crunching down on snow-dusted hay. The footsteps are lighter than his own, and he knows without having to turn around who the stable’s other visitor is._

_“I wish you picked somewhere more clean,” Levi says as he approaches where Eren stands. “There’s horse shit all over the floor.”_

_“You really care about that right now?” He's unable to hide the amusement in his question and turns away from his mare to face his Captain._

_“I always care. You should know by now.”_

_Eren doesn’t deny it. He’s been ordered by Levi to redo his chores countless times but he doesn’t think it’s worth mentioning right now._

_“So,” Levi takes one step closer, then another, before stopping. “I got your note.”_

_Their height difference is so evident when they’re this close. Despite being half a head shorter than most, Levi’s presence always took up more space than anyone else in the room. The thought has Eren wondering what Levi’s Titan form would be if he could shift too._

_“You wanted to see me.” Levi regards him, his stance as relaxed as ever._

_He would still be terrifyingly beautiful. Eren’s positive about that._

_“Yeah.”_

_"Crush" is such an infantile word, Eren thinks. One that must have been invented by older folks, the ones with an interest in belittling young love. Eren hates it. He doesn’t have a crush on Levi; to call it a crush would be doing it an injustice. He doesn’t quite know how to put it to words and it’s been driving him insane lately._

_But he wants to try, at least._

_“There’s something I need to tell you.”_

_Levi waits._

_Eren opens his mouth and closes it._

_“Get on with it, Eren.”_

_Eren takes a breath in and breathes out, “I like you.”_

_A pause._

_He feels his ears warm._

_“Eren.”_

_“A lot.”_

_Levi stares at him, his expression a puzzle Eren can’t put together._

_He wants to reach out and draw Levi closer, but he knows the lines the older man does not want him to cross so he keeps his arms by his side._

_Oh, how badly he wants to cross them._

_“You’re not surprised.”_

_“I’m old, not clueless.”_

_There are so many questions on his tongue that he’s not surprised when one slips, the words coming out hurried, “How do you feel about me?”_

_He’s also not surprised that this is what his brain decided to demand because it’s the one question he can’t answer for certain. There had been times when he couldn’t help but think..._

_The Captain’s eyes widen, and Eren takes small satisfaction in knowing he caught him off guard for once. But it’s short lived when Levi gives him the faintest trace of a sad, knowing smile and Eren already knows what he’s going to say._

_“It doesn’t matter how I feel.”_

_He’s not surprised, but it hurts all the same._

_“We can’t do this, Eren. You know that.”_

_Eren does know. He knows Levi’s boundaries. He knows he’s out of line._

_But he is young and hopelessly in love and he simply thought if he heard it from Levi himself, it would give him the finality he needed to accept it and move on._

_Unfortunately, he didn’t know it would hurt this terribly. His heart is not as strong in his human form and right now, it aches badly. “Heartbroken” is a very literal word, Eren thinks, and he must be experiencing it._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Eren,” Levi’s voice brings him back to the present and it’s all Eren can do to resist slamming his fists on the walls of this damn thing and demand someone let him out. 

“I want to explain what I said last night,” he continues, voice unwavering. 

“You don’t need to explain anything. I get it. Just...” He hopes Levi will understand what he can’t bring himself to say out loud.

_If you keep talking, I’ll have to feel the crushing weight of your rejection a second time, and I don’t think I have the strength left to face it again._

  
  
  
  
  
  


_“Calm down. All of you.”_

_“He’s dangerous, Captain!”_

_“Eren, what’s the meaning of this?”_

_“You’re too close to him, Captain!”_

_“Get away from him!”_

_“I said calm down, all of you,” Levi orders the four members of his squad around him, his voice firm._

_Eren looks in shock at his comrades. Their reactions are bewildering, but when he looks down at his own arm, he’s stunned even more._ _His forearm is entwined in muscle and sinew, while his hand is completely wrapped in skin that doesn’t feel like his own. The skin extends to a gigantic shoulder, then to a neck and a torso ten times the size of his body and realization sinks in._

 _His upper body transformed into his Titan form without any warning, and this is the catastrophic result._ _The other members of Levi’s Squad have their swords drawn and pointed at him, the sharp blades daring him to move a muscle._

_Their uproar becomes louder as they move in closer from all sides and his eyes widen in alarm._

_“Why did you do it without permission! Answer me!”_

_“Answer him, Eren! Explain yourself!”_

_“Prove that you’re not a danger to us, a danger to humanity!”_

_“If you so much as move a muscle, your head is coming right off!”_

_“Captain! Please get away from Eren!”_

_“No, you’re the ones who have to get away,” the Captain raises his voice, startling his squad, but most of all Eren. He stares at Levi’s back in surprise. “I said, calm down.”_

_“Why, Captain? Please, don’t get too close!”_

_“He’s not dangerous, I have a gut feeling about this.” Levi stares down his squad members one by one. “Now put your blades down. That’s an order.”_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


A silence falls in the elevator, enveloping its two occupants with this thick embrace. 

Eren wonders how long he’ll have to endure this. How many more minutes? Hours?

He doesn’t think he can survive another _second_ but Levi’s voice breaks the silence again.

“We’re part of something bigger than just us,” His words are quiet, and Eren does not want to hear them. “You’re humanity’s hope, Eren. You have an important role to play, you need to focus on that. And I’m your superior. And older. Much older.”

Eren keeps his eyes on a spot on the floor as Levi continues.

“And who’s to say I’m not going to be killed tomorrow? My death is due any day now, being in this line of work.”

“I could say the same thing.”

“Then let’s say we both die tomorrow. Or today. What’s the point? When our lives are going to be cut so short, what even is the point?”

“Everything!” Eren yells without meaning to, turning to glare at Levi. He can’t help it; he laid his feelings out in the open, exposed his most vulnerable self, and for what? To be told there’s no point? To be told he had _duties_ to uphold?

No. He refuses to accept that. He can respect boundaries, but he can’t find it in himself to set aside his feelings for such a sad cause. 

“That’s the whole point, Levi. If I die tomorrow, I’d rather die knowing I loved you than not having fallen for you at all.”

Levi closes his mouth and meets his glare with a sad look, his eyes imploring for understanding. 

Then the moment passes and he drops it. His words sound heavy when they fall out of his lips. “So many lives depend on us. We don’t have the luxury to be selfish right now.”

Eren wants to punch the wall, wants to scream and tell him that’s fucking ridiculous but he can’t. Levi’s words have merit and he can’t deny it, no matter how much he wants to.

There’s a pregnant pause before Levi says quietly, “So don’t waste your love on someone like me.” 

“Someone like you?” Eren repeats incredulously. “Do you even _know_ what kind of someone you are, Levi?”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_The dining hall of the castle is almost empty, save for himself and Levi, who’s sitting at the opposite end of the table, along with a couple of other soldiers idling in quiet chatter._

_It’s been a long day and Eren is physically and mentally drained. He doesn’t want to head back to the dungeon that he’s had to call his bedroom for the past month just yet._

_His head is swimming with thoughts, all yelling for his attention, but he doesn’t have the energy to face them. He slumps forward in his chair, places his elbows on the table and lets out a sigh._

_“Spit it out, Jaeger.”_

_“Sir?”_

_“You’ve been sitting there, silently fuming to yourself for half an hour,” Levi chides, though not in disapproval. Eren thinks he hears concern, but he can’t be sure. “If it helps, talk.”_

_“I...”_

_Eren doesn’t know how to put his thoughts to words as eloquently as his best friend, nor has he mastered the ability to mask his emotions like Mikasa has._

_So he speaks, spilling his fears and worries out in the open._

_“I didn’t realize how little the squad trusts me.”_

_Levi doesn’t react to his statement the way Eren had expected._

_“Of course they don’t, they were trained to distrust Titans. We know too little about them to act otherwise. There are too many uncertainties and in the moment, they have to assume the worst.”_

_“Still.” Eren can’t get the image of their blades pointed so threateningly at him and the fear and distrust on their faces out of his mind. “I thought I was getting somewhere.”_

_“Don’t let it get to you, kid. It’s only been a month.”_

_Eren sits, silently digesting the Captain’s words. Maybe he’s right. Maybe it’s too soon to have expected anything else._

_“But I can tell you’re committed, Eren. You’re trying, and that’s all we expect from you.”_

_Eren looks up in surprise. He likes the sound of his name when the Captain says it._

_“Is that all?” Levi presses._

_“I can’t even control my transformation,” he admits, though Levi is well aware of this after what happened today. “I want to help, I want to help kill every Titan alive but at this rate…”_

_Eren’s words trail off into silence, neither of them able to answer. He looks at Levi and musters up the courage to ask something that’s been on his mind since he was assigned to the Survey Corps._

_“Do we have a chance? A real chance at winning this war?”_

_Levi doesn’t seem surprised by this and Eren wonders how many others before him had asked him the same hopeful question._

_“No one knows what will happen. We do what’s right and we hope for the best.”_

_“How will I know what the right thing to do is?”_

_“I don’t know the answer to that. I never have. Whether I trusted myself or the choices of my dependable comrades, there was no telling how things would turn out.” This is the most Eren’s heard Levi say in one night, so he listens. “So, just do the best you can and choose whatever you’ll regret the least.”_

_He recognizes this as the Captain’s own way of comforting him and he appreciates it more than he can express._

_“You’re talkative today, Captain,” Eren says, unable to stop himself from smiling._

_“Don’t be stupid,” the Captain takes a sip from his cup as he holds it between his thumb and index finger. Eren thinks he might have glanced a grin behind the rim of the cup, but it’s dark in the room and he doesn’t want to stare. “I talk plenty.”_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Levi stares at those bright, emerald eyes, seeing nothing but hurt swimming in them. He rips his gaze away but Eren’s question lingers in the air.

_“Do you even know what kind of someone you are, Levi?”_

Of course he knows who he is. If there’s one thing he’s certain of in this doomed world they live in, it’s who he is.

He’s a soldier. A Captain of the Survey Corps. A shining beacon of strength among his comrades. Humanity’s Strongest, they call him. But above all, he’s another human that will one day be replaced, much like the countless faces he has seen lost in battle. 

He’s just been better at fighting off that day than most. 

“Why does it matter who I am?” Levi’s voice is thick with bereavement, because he knows despite the fact that his comrades relied on him to be their source of hope, he will ultimately follow them to his undeniable doom. He knows it with the certainty that the seasons will change. 

“I’m just running on borrowed time. We all are.”

What right does he have to even think about trivial things like love? Love is but a fleeting thing people like to believe in. It gives them hope. He doesn’t want it. Doesn’t need it. He accepts the accompanying loneliness instead.

Levi has to strain his ears to catch Eren’s whispered words. “I could make you happy, Levi. Or maybe just less lonely. I want to. So bad.”

“I’m fine as I am.” He lies. “You have years ahead of you, maybe. You’ll make someone else happy.”

That seems to anger Eren because he suddenly gets the nerve to stare right at him and raise his voice. “You think because I’m young I don’t know what I’m doing? That’s fucking hilarious because you're too much of a coward to allow yourself to be happy. ”

“Watch it, Eren.” 

“No!” He yells, his voice reverberating off the walls of their enclosure. “I’m sick of being told what I am and what I’m not, what I can and can’t do. I’ve lost so much already, don't tell me I can’t love you, too.”

Levi curses his arrhythmic heartbeat, willing it to still, but it pays no heed. It beats away at a frantic pace, making mockery of his goal of keeping its purpose to pumping blood and nothing more. 

There’s no space in there for anything else

“I fell hard for you. And you didn’t catch me, but I heal fast and I’m fine. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. So don’t push me away.”

So why does it want to reach out to the boy in front of him and let him in?

Levi aches, but looks away. 

He’s learned to survive this long, he can’t look back now.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_Eren’s really outdone himself this time. In the literal sense of the word._

_What he thought would be a difficult Titan experiment with Hange turned out to be monumentally tiring. So much so that he’s still recovering, a day later, with the distinguishable red marks lining the bottom of his eyes and the top of his cheekbones._

_Hange was getting more aggressive in their experiments and he appreciated the enthusiasm with which they conducted them. He was happy to oblige, always, because he has a duty to his people and he knows he can be the turning point in this war._

_He just wishes he could heal faster._

_The door to his cellar clangs open and he opens his eyes in surprise to see Captain Levi standing by his bed, a deep scowl etched onto his features._

_“Sir,” he breathes out, leaning on his elbows to sit up in his bed._

_“Lie down, that’s an order.”_

_Eren does so, quietly thankful for it. His back feels strained from the movement._

_“I’ve been told your condition isn’t too great. Has your healing slowed down?”_

_“No, I don’t think so.” He's relieved that checking in on him is all the Captain wants to do because he almost expected to be ordered around like usual. “I think I just overdid it yesterday, sir.”_

_“If Hange is overexerting you, you tell them so.”_

_“They’re not! It’s fine, I just have to get better at managing my Titan form, I-”_

_“No one is expecting you to be the strongest Titan in the world.”_

_Eren sighs and stares at the stone ceiling above him. “I know. I just want to be useful.”_

_“Useful,” Levi repeats, folding his arms. “If you want to be useful, get better soon.”_

_It takes a second before Eren realizes this is Levi’s way of wishing him to get better._

_“Yes, sir. Thank you.”_

_He watches Levi look around his cellar and Eren can’t help but feel self conscious at the mess. His dirty uniform is lying in a heap in the corner, there’s laundry everywhere and he hasn’t bothered to clean up at all._

_“You really live like this?”_

_Eren stumbles over his words. “I didn’t- I would’ve cleaned if… I mean, it’s not that bad, I-“_

_“Disgusting.” Levi’s words don’t have a bite to it, though, Eren notes. “If you weren’t in such poor shape, I’d order you to clean this shit up right now.”_

_“Yes, sir."_

_“But you’ve been improving in the experiments, Hange tells me. So this mess can wait.”_

_“Oh,” Eren tries his best not to smile at those words. “Yes, sir.”_

_“Rest up. And don’t exert yourself too much again.”_

_Levi walks over and picks up one of Eren’s dirty shirts that’s draped over a chair and folds it. He places it on the seat and turns to give Eren one last disapproving look before turning to leave._

_“If I find this place this terribly kept tomorrow, you’ll be on dish duty for the next week.”_

_The knowledge that his Captain would be visiting him again has Eren feeling better already._

_“Yes, sir.”_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Eren-” Levi says in a warning tone. 

“You kill Titans like it’s nothing,” Eren cuts him off before he can say anything more. “You make it look so effortless. Like it’s the easiest thing in the world for you.

“I used to think you were invincible, you know.” He recalls standing in the crowds in Shiganshina as a kid, watching eagerly as the bruised and battered Survey Corps passed through his hometown on their return from a scouting mission. He had strained his neck to catch a glimpse of Captain Levi in his green cape, riding on horseback. 

“But I know better now. You’re strong, but not invincible.”

Levi stares, his eyes wide.

“Even the strong shouldn’t have to go through everything alone.”

He glances at the silent man and sees a flash of a pained expression before it’s gone, disappearing so fast he wonders if he had imagined it.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_Levi hates it when his shirts are wrinkled. He hates having grime under his fingernails, though he’ll take it over being splattered by Titan blood any day._

_He doesn’t stand for a lot of things. Mainly dirt and incompetence, but also physical contact, except when he’s sparring or petting his horse. He’s not the biggest fan of it, never has been, but it seems Eren is. He can’t fathom why._

_He noticed it first during one of their daily cleanings. Eren had brushed his hand when he was passing him a broom. “Thanks Captain,” the brunette had said cheerfully. They really had no reason to touch; Eren could’ve just grabbed the top of the handle._

_But Levi found that he didn’t mind. He did, however, note that Eren’s hand had been unusually warm. Maybe a side effect of being able to transform into a Titan was having a higher body temperature, he mused._

_He noticed it a second time when it was their turn to cook dinner. Levi’s Squad took turns as pairs to prepare meals, given it was just them here at the old headquarters with no kitchen crew. Levi had stood by the wooden table in the middle of the kitchen chopping vegetables and Eren had stood next to him, dutifully peeling potatoes. His arm brushed Levi’s each time he brought the knife down, again and again. Like the first time, Levi didn’t think much of it all. It was getting colder in the castle and Eren’s warmth was nice against the chill._

_The third time, he does think something of it._

_They’re practicing vertical maneuvering using their gears. Eren had asked to be taught how to spin in the air while wielding the blades in a back-grip, a maneuver Levi was known for. Levi warned him not to expect much on the first try, but that didn’t deter Eren. Of course it didn’t. If anything, it made him even more eager to learn._

_Levi demonstrates by the edge of a forest clearing nearby, using the tall tree trunks as bases for his metal hooks. The metal wires of his ODM gear shoot him high up into the air and then he’s twisting his lean figure, spinning at incredible speed. Eren watches with wide eyes as he slices up a tree branch in a circular motion with his blades and cheers when it falls right off the trunk before Levi lands swiftly on a higher branch._

_“Keep your elbows bent and drawn in towards you. Focus on your center of gravity and use the momentum of being pulled by your gears before spinning.” Levi instructs him when he lands on the ground._

_Eren’s first attempt isn’t half-bad; he stumbles on his landing and he doesn’t last long in the air at all. Levi’s seen worse. He tells him so and Eren perks up. “Thanks Captain! I’ll try again.”_

_And he does. Over and over again._

_The boy’s determination is something else. He may not have the innate skills that his sister Mikasa possesses, but his strength is in his perseverance. Levi would hate to be the one to destroy it if it came to it, remembering his words at the end of Eren’s trial:_

_“We will place Eren under Captain Levi’s supervision and conduct a recon mission outside the walls.” Erwin’s deep voice had rung clear in the spacious courthouse._

_“With Eren accompanying you?” The head of all three Military branches, Dhalis Zachary, had asked from his high seat at the front of the court._

_“Yes, sir. Based on the results of the mission, you can decide if Eren has control over his Titan ability and if his existence is of benefit to humankind.”_

_“Supervising Eren Jaeger...” Zachary had turned to Levi then. “Can you do this, Levi?”_

_Levi had had no doubt in his mind. "I can most definitely kill him."_

_The boy carries the weight of humanity’s hope on his shoulders, and yet he hasn’t heard him once complain. He just tries his best. Levi silently commends his conviction. He remembers beating Eren ruthlessly during the trial, kicking his face bloody until his tooth had fallen out. It had been necessary to win that trial, but the image of Eren’s torn face remains with him._

_Levi grimaces at the memory._

_“Captain! I’m getting better,” Eren’s eager voice draws him out of his thoughts. “Did you see me? I lasted a lot longer this-”_

_Levi’s expression must have given him away because Eren falters and asks, “Is something wrong, sir? I can do better, I know I’m rusty-”_

_“No, you did fine. I’m calling it for today. Head back to the castle.”_

_Levi turns around to head back when he feels Eren grab his wrist, pulling him back._

_“Are you sure?” He asks, the concern in his bright eyes too open and bare for the world to see._

_This is the third time he feels Eren’s skin on his, though he doesn’t know why he’s keeping count. Maybe because anyone who knows him well enough knows better. But Eren is impulsive and does not know better. Levi doesn’t fault him for it._

_He looks down at his wrist, at Eren’s fingers wrapped around it. Eren follows his gaze._

_He lets go after a second. “Sorry. You just seemed off.”_

_Levi hesitates, wondering if now is the time to ask the question on the tip of his tongue. He doesn’t want to burden Eren any more than he is. He has a mountain of expectations to live up to, all the potential the military is hoping he holds._

_“Do you think you can learn to control your Titan form?” It slips out anyway because Eren’s green eyes implore him. He somehow knows Eren will answer him honestly._

_“Yes,” he says it so quickly, he looks surprised at himself. He clears his throat and says, “I mean, I have to. So I will.”_

_Levi has come to learn in a short amount of time that Eren views the world in black-and-white, with a habit of thinking with his heart rather than his head. It shows in everything he does. It shows at this very moment._

_He finds it both endearing and insolent._

_Levi nods, accepting the answer, before turning to head back to the castle. Eren walks by his side, instep with him._

  
  
  
  
  


_A few days pass before it happens again._

_He’s clearing away the dried dishes into the pantry shelves after dinner. He dismissed the rest of his squad to retire to their quarters, wanting to give them an early night for once._

_Annoyingly, the top shelf is too high for him to reach, so he stands on his toes and reaches up but the plate slips out of his hands. Levi doesn’t know how it happens so fast, but it does. It crashes loudly before the ceramic shatters on the kitchen floor into a thousand tiny shards. Levi sighs, knowing cleaning this up will delay his going to bed._

_He bends down to pick up the shattered pieces, his thoughts drifting to the softness of his bed against the tiredness of his body. He gasps when he feels the prickling pain._

_“Shit.” He sees the droplet of blood on his finger, watches it slowly drip to the floor. Now he has to bandage up this cut along with cleaning up the mess. He sighs._

_Bed will have to wait._

_He gets up and heads to the washroom but the hallways are dark in the castle, making it a difficult task. His eyes are still adjusting to the black around him when he bumps into something solid and warm._

_“Ah!” He hears a familiar voice cry out. “Captain, is that you?”_

_Levi feels a warm hand on his arm. “Yes.”_

_A pause._

_“You can let go.”_

_“Right,” Eren says._

_So he does, and Levi tallys it silently in his head. Four times now._

_They silently walk to the washroom together, their footsteps the only sound in the halls._

_Eren takes a piss while Levi washes his cut._

_“Should I avoid touching you?”_

_The question surprises Levi. Maybe he’s not as impulsive as he assumed, Levi thinks. “There’s no reason for you to touch me.”_

_Eren comes up beside him to wash his hands. “You never shrug me off. I assumed you didn’t mind.”_

_Levi doesn’t correct him, just continues to wash his finger._

_“I’ll stop, if you order me to.” Eren quickly adds, “Sir.”_

_Levi can’t help but wonder how Eren can be such an open book. All his life, Levi had struggled to show his emotions, had been taught it was a weakness to display. Yet here was Eren, remarkably terrible at self-restraint and unapologetically so. It unnerves him a little and he doesn’t really think about why he doesn’t mind that Eren touches him. He just knows that he doesn’t._

_He meets Eren’s eyes in the mirror and shrugs. “I don’t mind.”_

_The green orbs shine brighter in the reflection and Levi can’t look away._

  
  
  


_He loses count after that._

_Eren had taken Levi’s indifference to mean he had permission to initiate physical contact with Levi without restraint and it’s not too long after that the rest of the squad notices, too._

_“He’s pretty touchy with you, Captain,” Petra says as they sit together at the table, sipping their afternoon tea. “What’s that about?”_

_“Teenage hormones, probably,” Oluo answers._

_Petra chides him, and they get into a discussion about teenagers and hormones and what's appropriate and inappropriate._

_Levi doesn’t contribute to the conversation. He gets up without a word and heads out into the courtyard where Eren is sparring by himself against a wooden target._

_“Hey,” he calls out. “Eren.”_

_“Captain?” He stops mid-kick and walks up to where Levi is standing with his arms folded. Levi sees that his white shirt is soaked through with sweat and the veins in his arms are bulging from the exertion._

_“Let’s spar.”_

_Eren cocks his head at him. “What?”_

_“I said, let’s spar.”_

_Eren looks hesitant so Levi challenges him. “Would you like me to take it easy on you?”_

_“I- no way.” That bright look that Levi has grown accustomed to seeing on Eren returns and Levi is glad to see it. “Never.”_

_Levi rolls up the sleeves of his white shirt and walks to a spot a few feet away from Eren before bending at the knees and raising his fists. Eren does the same, and they circle each other on the balls of their feet, sizing each other up._

_They’ve never sparred each other before and Levi doesn’t know why he feels the sudden need to now. Maybe hearing Petra and Oluo talk about hormonal teenagers had given him the idea. He can’t say for certain but it feels right. He feels alive._

_“Ahh!” Eren yells out as he throws the first punch, but Levi quickly blocks it, his forearm slamming against his knuckles. The force of it has Eren staggering back a step. Eren tries again, throwing his body weight behind a fist that edges closer to Levi’s face but the older man plants his heel and swiftly turns his torso sideways, the move so fluid Eren can’t help but think it looks choreographed._

_Before Eren can react, Levi wraps one hand around his outstretched arm and pulls down at the joint, forcing Eren to bend to his waist-level. Then he brings up his knee, sharp and angled just below Eren’s sternum. Pain erupts from the point of impact and Eren yells out, falling to his hands and knees as Levi lets go of his arm._

_Levi feels electrified as he always does when he fights with his own two hands and not his gear. It feels like he’s back to his roots, to the days when he lived each day for survival in the Underground._

_But this, fighting Eren, sends a different type of current through his body. It feels like a jolt of electricity runs through every fiber of his being. He wants to take him down, school him for being so touchy with him. Eren isn’t that skilled compared to him, but his manic energy is contagious and Levi wants to feel him writhe under his grasp._

_Taking two steps back, Levi taunts him, grinning. “You call that sparring?”_

_Eren struggles to his feet, his face contorted in pain and determination. “I was just getting started,” he grits out between clenched teeth._

_Levi brings his fists up again and moves fast. He draws his fist back before he ploughs it into Eren’s stomach and hears the breath knocked out of him with a loud “Oof!”_

_He pulls back and has only a second to register the fist coming at him before he blocks with his forearm a second time._

_Levi repays the attempt by slamming Eren’s jaw, twisting at the waist as he puts his body weight behind it. Eren’s head snaps back and he falls backwards to the ground, the dust underneath him rising. Levi watches his chest rise and sink with each shallow breath he draws in._

_Levi pauses for a brief second to catch his breath and wipe his mouth with the back of his hand. “Is that all you’ve got?” The voltage is even higher now, he feels it from the tips of his fingers to his toes._

_“Don’t think so little of me, Captain,” Eren spits the blood out of his mouth before pushing himself up again, eyes narrowed in determination. He can tell Eren is enjoying this, too, by the way his lips curl up as he brings his fists up to shoulder level again._

_They circle each other for a few seconds before Eren twists his hips, raises his knee and snaps his foot at the space where Levi’s head had been a moment ago. The older man darts quickly to Eren’s side and delivers a swift kick. For a brief instant, Eren’s green eyes widen in surprise but he manages to tilt his head back and evade the kick just in time._

_"Ready to give up?" Levi crows, smirking._

_Eren yells and throws himself at him, bending almost ninety degrees as he grabs Levi by the waist and slams him to the ground, landing painfully on top of the Captain._

_Levi is caught by surprise for only a second. Of course Eren would pull such a bold, careless move like that. Levi kicks out, forcing Eren to release his grasp before rolling off him in pain, giving Levi the opportunity to quickly maneuver himself on top. He positions himself with his thighs on either side of Eren’s waist and his wrists pinned above his head._

_They’re both panting heavily as Levi looks down at Eren with a smirk, beads of sweat rolling off his forehead and neck._

_Eren looks up at him with something fierce in his eyes and his hair a sweaty, matted mess scattered across his forehead._

_“Think you can get out of this?” Levi dares him, already knowing he’s won._

_Eren doesn’t answer. Only the sounds of their haggard breathing pass between the small space between them and Levi looks at Eren’s face a bit closer to gauge his reaction. Had he gone too hard on him? He sees the bruise purpling around Eren’s jaw and the blood drying from his nostrils down to his chin._

_But then his gaze falls to the boy’s lips and he finds himself staring. He doesn’t want to look away, not when they look so good like this, bloody and bruised but smiling._

_He inhales sharply and startles at the thought._

_What the fuck?_

_Levi snaps his gaze up to Eren’s eyes and looks into those hooded lids in panic, the lust and want there so terrifyingly inviting it paralyzes him._

_He’s shocked a second time when he feels a warm hand on his shoulder and wonders when he had let go of Eren’s wrists, he doesn’t recall doing so._

_“I don’t mind you touching me, either, Captain,” Eren’s voice is thick and viscous, like syrup running down his spine and he shivers. What the fuck, Levi hisses inwardly. What the fuck’s wrong with him? He curses himself for thinking this was ever a good idea. He didn’t expect this of himself, didn’t think he would react this way. Even worse, he has no one to blame but himself; he had come to Eren looking to spar._

_He hurriedly gets off Eren and stands up as fast as he can manage._

_“I-” He can’t breathe properly so he pants harder, his chest rising and falling painfully. He looks down at Eren and wishes he didn’t look so inviting lying there like that. “This didn’t happen.”_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Like I said, I’m fine.” Levi’s words are clipped and short. “Don’t make this harder for yourself. Whatever feelings you have for me, put them aside and get over them.”

“And how am I supposed to do that?” Eren demands, unable to stop himself from sounding so exasperated. “You make it sound so fucking easy.”

“I never said it was.” 

The elevator feels stifling and he wonders where all the air has gone. 

“But I didn’t make it this far by getting attached,” Levi says quietly. 

“So I should just forget how I feel?” Eren demands, the unfairness of it all consuming him. “And just keep fighting? Is that all I’m good for?”

If only Levi could tell him that it gets easier with time, that there’s something better to look forward to or some other bullshit consolation. 

“Fight for our goal of saving humanity. Fight without knowing the outcome, like you have nothing to lose.” 

It’s all Levi has left to say. 

Eren holds his gaze with a desperate intensity. The hope in his green eyes shine so clearly it nearly tears Levi apart. “Tell me you don’t feel anything for me, and I will.” 

Levi looks away. Nothing and everything feels wrong. He doesn’t want to hurt Eren, but he tells himself this will be the last time.

“All I can do is try to protect you."

He can’t see Eren’s expression but he hears the sharp inhale. 

Then he hears a loud yell that startles them both.

“Hey! Is anyone in there?”


	2. Protect

The 57th Exterior Scouting Mission is a failure.

Levi bears a heavy load of the burden in the aftermath, though not as heavily as Erwin. 

The townspeople not only berate the Scout Regiment as they pass by, enraged and upset at Erwin over the failure of the mission and the casualties sustained, they demand Levi to tell them if their children are still alive, if the lives of their loved ones weren’t wasted or eaten.

Levi walks looking straight ahead, knowing nothing he says will make a difference. 

When they make it back to their headquarters in Trost by evening, there’s seldom any talk among the Scouts. Their numbers have dwindled significantly and no one quite knows what to say so they don’t bother. 

Levi doesn’t let himself feel grief for the loss of his Special Operations Squad yet. His body is exhausted and screaming at him for rest; he’ll let his heart suffer tomorrow.

For tonight, all he wants to do is head to bed after washing himself. He bids no one good night. He shuts his eyes and wonders how Erwin’s going to correct this. He doesn’t doubt that he will but he can’t help the worry and tiredness wash over him as it lulls him to a deep sleep.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Eren wakes up in a bed much softer than the one he’s used to. 

“Eren, you’re awake,” Mikasa exclaims from the seat beside the bed. “How are you feeling?”

He feels a pang of pain shoot down his chest as he sits up. Looking down, he sees that his torso is tightly bandaged. “How long was I asleep?”

“A while. Don’t get up yet Eren, you’re still healing.”

“I’m fine.” He looks at her and sees the dark shadows under her eyes. “Did you rest, Mikasa?”

“I couldn’t sleep. I was worried about you after what happened.”

He tries to recall the sequence of events that took place in the Forest of Giant Trees and draws a blank after he had transformed. He had gone berserk at the sight of the Female Titan killing the members of Levi’s Squad. He remembers how enraged he had felt in that moment and turning into his Titan form, but nothing else. 

“Mikasa, what happened? What happened after I went after the Female Titan? I can’t...”

“She bit off your nape,” Mikasa looks sullen as she regards him, her voice apologetic. “She ran off with you in her mouth and I went after her but I wasn’t thinking straight and I was... I’m sorry, Eren, I couldn’t help you.”

“What do you mean? We’re here, we’re fine-”

“Captain Levi came after you. He saved us both.” She clenches her hands into fists in her lap. “We would both be dead if it weren’t for him.”

_All I can do is try to protect you._

Levi’s words ring clearly in his memory, the truth of it so stark now that it stares at him in the face. 

“I have to see him,” Eren mutters as he throws the blanket off himself and gets off the bed. He finds his shirt hanging on the back of a chair and puts it on, his back to his sister.

Mikasa gives him an exasperated look. “Erwin ordered you to rest, Eren.”

“I need to talk to Captain Levi,” Eren insists, despite not knowing where he might be.

She gets up from her seat but before she can stop him, Eren slips out the door and sprints down the hallway, his name being called out behind him.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


When Levi wakes, he aches all over.

But he still goes through the routine of washing and putting on his uniform out of years of habit. He tightens his cravat and stops in front of the door. Tightening his hand into a fist, he brings it up to the left side of his chest and lightly thumps it above his heart. His eyes closed, he salutes the fallen members of his squad.

“You fought well.” 

He honors their memory, one by one. Petra, Oluo, Eld, and Gunter had been by his side longer than any other soldiers he had fought with. To lose them is devastating, but inevitable. He can’t allow himself to dwell on the grief lurking in the shadows of his mind. 

Instead, he focuses on finding Erwin and asking what his plan is. The Scout Regiment will face the consequences of their failed mission soon, but he knows Erwin will be thinking two steps ahead. Just how much the Scouts relied on Erwin's strategic mind, Levi can’t overstate. 

He leaves his quarters to enter the hallways of the officer’s building. It’s quiet this early in the morning and he’s about to turn the corner when he hears his name.

“Captain Levi.”

He doesn’t need to turn around to know who’s calling him, but he does anyway. “Eren.” He sees that the red marks under Eren’s eyes are faint, but still there. “You should be resting.”

“I wanted to talk to you,” he says, keeping his distance. “Mikasa told me what you did.”

Levi recalls feeling the heat of the Female Titan’s steam on his skin as he sliced her joints and limbs in that forest. She had taken the lives of his trusted comrades and that vengeance had fueled him like fire as he went after her.

“Thank you,” Eren’s voice is uncharacteristically soft and muted. “For saving me.” 

He doesn’t need to be thanked for carrying out his duties. He doesn’t need to be reminded that the safety of Eren is his responsibility, he knows that too well. 

“There’s no need for that.”

Eren takes a step towards him and stops. He regards Levi with his brows furrowed and swallows before speaking. 

“I was selfish to want you, for wanting to be with you. I realize that now.”

If Eren sees the surprised look on Levi’s face, he doesn’t comment on it. His emerald eyes look more wistful than anything and Levi can’t help but think his words sound almost like an apology. 

“You’re right,” Eren’s voice is low, but in the quiet hallway Levi doesn’t miss a word. “I don’t have the right to be selfish. Not when my existence puts the people I love in danger. And you already do so much for me, I shouldn’t have…” 

_The people I love._

_Love_. Such a misguided word, Levi had thought. Just a poor concept, a false sense of hope, with no place in war. But when Eren says it, he emphasizes each syllable and gives it life, making it sound like the most important thing in the world. 

Eren clenches then unclasps his fists, his knuckles white. Levi doesn’t say anything as their eyes meet. It must be the narrow hallway and the cold morning air that’s making it difficult to breathe because the Captain’s chest is so, so tight right now. 

For a long second, Eren just continues to hold his gaze with their usual ferocity that unnerves Levi at times like these - they have him frozen in place, unable to look away.

“I’m going to keep fighting,” Eren promises, as he brings up his fist to his heart to salute him. “I’ll keep fighting until we’re freed from these walls. I won’t ask anything from you, Captain, you have my word.”

How very Eren of him to decide to push _himself_ away, and for such a self-righteous reason, too. The older man wants to ask him why he didn’t see it this way sooner, Levi was trying to tell him this all along, goddamnit. He had to almost die to believe him, the stupid brat. 

But he knows better than to indulge himself with an _I told you so_. He knows better than to tell him it’s better this way, because he’s his Captain and he’s in charge of making sure this strong-headed, beautiful, indignant fool stays alive. And to do that, he can't have his chest feeling this tight, so he should be relieved. He is. He is, why wouldn’t he be.

He can’t find any fitting words to say so he opts to say nothing, just nods once. 

Eren nods back before turning on his heel and Levi watches his back as he retreats, turns the corner and disappears.

Standing in the empty hallway, he listens to the agitated thrumming in his chest and feels the sharp ache underneath. He stands there for a while, the depths of him emptied, finding nothing. Just empty.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Not soon after, the Scout Regiment is summoned to the Capital to attend a hearing where the final decision of Eren’s custody is to be made. 

Erwin tells Levi this announcement from behind his desk in his office. Levi is seated in front of the commander, his arms folded. The light spilling in through the window behind Erwin is weak as the sun sets.

“So are we going to lose him?” 

The Commander leans back on his wooden chair. “No. The Military Police wants reassurance that Eren has control of his Titan form more than anything. Don’t worry so much about the hearing. The real purpose of our trip to the Capital will be to capture the girl behind the Female Titan.”

This is certainly news to Levi. “What the hell do you mean?”

“Armin believes he knows who the Female Titan is,” Erwin explains in that always even tone of his, even in situations like these. “He came to my office last night and told me his suspicions and after deliberating, I have to agree.”

Levi doesn’t bother hiding his shock. “You’re serious? Who is it?”

“She’s a member of the Military Police.”

“Of course she is.” Levi is glad for the reason to despise them even more.

“Armin believes she was a member of the 104th Cadet Corps.”

“A fellow Cadet?” 

“Her name is Annie Leonhart.” Erwin reaches for the map on the corner of his desk and sets it in front of him, facing Levi. “We leave tomorrow. While passing through the Stohess District on our way to the Capital, we must capture her in her human form.” He points to the town located on the east edge of Wall Sheena on the map.

“This is our only chance at capturing her. Once on the other side, the government will take custody of Eren and we’ll have difficulty investigating those bent on destroying the walls. We’ll have to bet everything on this operation.”

“And how exactly do you plan on capturing this girl?”

“By using Eren as bait.”

“And we’re assuming she’ll bite? Even within the walls?”

“I have no reason to doubt it."

“Does Eren know about this?”

“Not yet.” The Commander’s blue eyes regard Levi with a resolute look behind them. “I was hoping you could talk to him, Levi. He listens to you.”

“He’ll listen to Armin, and if it was his suspicion in the first place then-”

“You’re his direct command, Levi. I doubt that anyone would want to believe that a fellow Cadet is hell bent on killing them. The news needs to come from a superior to leave no doubt in his mind.”

Levi crosses his arms and looks down at the map. He hates it when Erwin makes sense at inconvenient times. “He may still not want to believe it.”

Erwin pushes himself off the desk and stands up, making his height all the more apparent. “There’s no other option, I’m afraid. Now, come with me downstairs. They’re waiting for us.”

“We’re doing this now?” 

Erwin leads them to his door and Levi follows him outside, into the hallway, a step behind. “Unfortunately, time is not on our side.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_“What are you doing here, Eren?”_

_The Captain’s low voice startles Eren at his seat at the wooden table in the kitchen, causing him to nearly drop the cup in his hand. He composes himself before facing his Captain. “I couldn’t sleep, sir.”_

_The rest of the castle’s occupants are asleep at this hour, but Eren couldn’t find rest in the dungeon. It’s cold and lonely down there, making sleep elusive. Instead, he had come to the kitchen to make a cup of tea and was letting his mind run free with its thoughts until Levi had interrupted._

_The Captain doesn’t say anything as he checks the kettle for any remaining hot water. He pours himself a cup and takes a seat a couple of chairs away from Eren._

_There’s an unspoken agreement between them to not speak of their sparring the day before. Levi acts as if nothing happened but Eren has so many questions, making a mess of his thoughts. It’s an effort to hold his tongue, but he does. He knows the older man’s boundaries._

_“Is it uncomfortable down there?”_

_Eren’s first instinct is to deny it, but he catches himself. “Just a little cold at night.”_

_Levi nods, taking a sip. “You’ll have to bear it, I’m afraid. We still need to be cautious.”_

_“I know. “ He knew better than to think otherwise. “The tea helps.”_

_They lapse into silence for a while, but not an uncomfortable one. They sit there, facing the window that looks out into the courtyard, watching the moonlight casted scene. The only sounds around them are the distant noises within the walls of the drafty castle._

_Eren breaks the silence with a question. “How come you’re awake, sir?”_

_The older man sets his cup down. “I couldn’t sleep either.”_

_Eren wonders what Levi could have on his mind at this hour._

_“You really want to know?”_

_He realizes he must have voiced his thoughts out loud - he blames the late hour of the night and the fact that he’s alone with Levi for the slip. “If you want to share.”_

_“I keep asking myself what exactly we’re getting into. The fact that there might be others like you who can shift changes everything, but it also feels like we just found a piece of a puzzle we weren’t even solving.”_

_Eren understands that sentiment too well. “There’s so much even I don’t understand about myself. I wish I knew more. I want to be as useful as the Scouts are hoping I am, and it really sucks that I can’t be, but-”_

_“You’re doing your best, Eren. I wasn’t saying otherwise.”_

_He meets Levi’s eyes and shuts up, feeling flushed. “Yes, sir.”_

_A silence falls upon them a second time, as comfortable as the first. They sip their teas, cold at this point._

_“One day, when I finally make it past these walls I’m going to find the ocean.”_

_“The ocean?”_

_“Yeah,” Eren hadn’t thought about that in a while, but the memory is fond and warm so it spills out of him. “Armin showed me a book that described what the world looks like beyond the wall and there are these large bodies of water, a hundred times the size of the rivers we know. We promised each other that we’d find them one day. I want to see what that looks like in person, water that goes on and on until it’s all you can see.”_

_Eren stops himself from continuing, suddenly feeling like he just revealed something he shouldn’t have. It was a promise between him and his best friend, and surely Levi didn’t care about this but when he glances beside him, Levi is watching him with softness around his eyes and Eren is caught off guard._

_“You should keep that promise.” The Captain looks down at his cup. “To think there’s a whole world beyond the walls…that’s something.”_

_“What will you do when we can go beyond the walls?”_

_Levi looks up again to face Eren, the space between his brows creased. “What do you mean?”_

_“When we win this war one day, I mean.” He clarifies, because that’s what they’re fighting for and they should have something to look forward to when it’s over. Everyone should have something to hope for. “What do you want to do?”_

_The Captain looks lost for words and it’s an entirely new side of him for Eren. He’s never seen him look unsure about anything. Every movement, every action and decision Levi made seemed so deliberate and sure, but in this moment he looks so caught off that Eren can’t help but stare._

_“You’ve never thought about it?”_

_Levi faces away from him to stare out the window. “I never thought that far.”_

_That shocks Eren, though as the seconds pass he supposes he shouldn’t be that surprised. Being a veteran in the Survey Corps means Levi has seen a countless number of soldiers come and go. When death is your constant companion, perhaps the future becomes a distant thought - a notion that comes second to survival._

_“I think I’d like to run a tea shop.”_

_Eren nearly drops his cup in surprise but he catches himself just in time and coughs to hide his shock._

_Levi chuckles, and Eren is once again caught by surprise. This is a lot of firsts from his Captain tonight._

_“That sounds nice, sir.”_

_Eren means it, now that he’s picturing it. It would be a spotless tea shop._

_“Doesn’t it?” Levi says absent-mindedly, his eyes still fixed on his cup but unfocused._

_Eren realizes that he does not know much about the Captain’s life before the Survey Corps, or what happened in his past to make him act cold and calloused. But he feels like he just glimpsed a side of him that had been hidden for a long time, or perhaps just forgotten, and he’s thankful for it. He wants to learn more of this side, but knows better than to push his luck for tonight._

_“I’ll visit,” he promises._

_Levi says nothing, but Eren sees the corner of his lip twitch._

_His heart beams._


	3. Peace

The Female Titan drops from halfway up Wall Sina, all fourteen meters of her body hurling through the air in free fall.

Levi watches from a distance as it happens. Seconds ago, Mikasa had cut off the Female Titan’s fingers that were gripping the wall as she tried to escape. Now Mikasa is quickly maneuvering her ODM gear to hook onto the wall at the same time as the Titan lands on the ground with a deafening crash. 

Levi works fast to get closer to the scene, aiming the metal hooks of his gears onto the roof of a nearby bell tower before soaring through the air.

He keeps his eyes trained on the Titan the entire way. She’s splayed on her back on the ground as Eren, in his Titan form, runs towards her, every step he takes causing the ground to shake. Levi feels the roof he lands on tremble under his boots before he takes off again. 

It’s messy and deadly the way Eren pounces on her, his deafening roars emitting from deep in his chest. The primal sounds reverberate throughout Stohess as he slams his gigantic fists into the Female Titan. Levi lands on a rooftop of a building close enough just as Eren rips off a gigantic arm by brute force. The Female Titan’s head follows shortly after, leaving her body decapitated.

He hears the yells of his fellow Scouts around him, all watching from the rooftops of neighboring buildings. 

“No! He’s going to eat the person inside!” Hange exclaims, staring wide eyed at the bloody spectacle before them.

“Stop, Eren!” 

“Eren!” Mikasa screams, but her voice is drowned out by another roar ripped from Eren’s Titan throat. 

They can only watch as Eren bites into the nape of the Female Titan, ripping away the skin with his sharp teeth the size of his head to reveal the body of Annie, melded into the muscle and sinew of her Titan form. 

Levi thinks for a second Eren might eat her and ruin this whole operation but he stops moving completely, staring at Annie with those huge green eyes.

“What’s he doing?” Hange asks from his vicinity.

The pause in Eren’s vicious attack has given Annie a chance to use her hardening ability, Levi realizes with a drop in his stomach. A blinding light emits from her body as she starts encasing herself in a crystal. 

He covers his eyes with his forearm to keep out the glare, squinting as he watches Annie’s Titan body start merging with Eren’s, the crystallization process overtaking his hands, wrists and now working its way up to his elbows. Levi’s heart painfully skips a beat - Eren’s going to become crystallized with her. 

It takes only a second to jump off the rooftop and aim himself towards Eren’s nape with a quick whip of his gears. 

Levi spins in the air once before landing on Eren’s neck. He draws his blades and in one fluid movement, cuts the thick skin beneath his feet deep enough to reveal Eren, his limbs entangled in his Titan form.

“Don’t you fucking die on me.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


When Eren comes around, he’s sitting on the ground with Mikasa beside him supporting his weight. The scene around them is one of wreckage, broken buildings and wounded soldiers littering the streets. 

“Eren.” She says his name gently, like she always does. 

“Mikasa?” His limbs feel so heavy. His head is a cloud of pain and the pain he feels is hard to pinpoint - it hurts everywhere. Nearby, he hears the familiar shouts and yells of commands that follow the aftermath of an operation. 

So much has happened. He’s overwhelmed with exhaustion and all he wants is to close his eyes and shut the world out for a while. 

But then he sees Levi approach him and now he’s looking down at him, his expression unreadable. “Eren, get up. You’re coming with me.”

“He’s injured, Captain,” Mikasa protests. “Can’t you see he’s-“

“That’s why I’m telling him to get up. Jaeger, don’t make me repeat myself. That’s an order.”

“I’m fine, Mikasa.” 

At this moment, Eren hates that he can’t defy an order. Or rather, Levi’s. He gathers the last bit of strength he has left in him to stand up and follow his Captain. Mikasa stands but he gives her a quick nod to assure her he’s okay. 

Levi leads them to a medic cart and orders him to sit down at the back of the horse-drawn cart, where the bodies of dead soldiers are laid beside him. 

“You’re going to be taken back to headquarters to get treated.” Levi takes a seat beside him. “I’m to accompany you.” 

Eren nods, his remaining energy seeping out of him. He doesn’t question it when Levi orders him quietly to rest his head on his shoulder if he needs to, tells him to get some goddamn rest. He doesn’t think to ask why he’s accompanying him when the rest of the Scout Regiment are still busy at the scene. 

The last thing he sees before he closes his eyes is Levi looking sideways at him with his brows knitted and his lip a thin line. 

He wonders if he’s in trouble for almost dying or if Levi is angry with him for what happened with Annie. He doesn’t let himself wonder if Levi is concerned for him, if he had been scared to lose him.

He falls asleep with his head resting on his captain’s shoulder. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ Eren learns about Levi’s past entirely by mistake. _

_ He’s dutifully dusting one of the stairways of the old castle, his focus on his broomstick, when he overhears Petra saying to Levi, “It’s been forever since you were in the Underground, Captain. Why do you still carry a knife with you?” _

_ That catches his attention faster than a lighting bolt striking behind Wall Maria. _

_ “Quiet down, Petra, it’s too early for your nuisance. I carry it with me in case any of you decide to get too comfortable with me.” _

_ “Are you sure it’s not because of some deep-rooted trust issues, Captain?” _

_ “Most certainly that, too.” _

_ Their bickering voices fade as they disappear down a corridor but Eren’s thoughts are loud in his head. Captain Levi had been once part of the Underground City? The dark, ruthless city of crime was a world he only knew of from stories, but he had heard enough to understand that for someone to leave that world and work his way up to Captain of the Survey Corps didn’t come without making some sacrifices on their part. _

_ He considers the possibility that maybe he had heard wrong. But he’s pretty certain he had heard correctly, and besides, he can’t come up with another word that sounds remotely close to ‘underground’.  _

_ There’s really only one way to confirm his eavesdropping, he decides. The only way to know for certain would be to simply ask. _

_ He mulls that option over in his head over the course of the next few days as he goes about his duties and takes part in Hange’s experiments. _

_ In the end, he comes up with the following compelling arguments for and against asking about it: _

_ For: he’s curious about Levi’s past, and Levi in general. There are many things he’s learned about his Captain in the past month or so. For example, Levi is blunt, unsociable, and quiet on most days. But he’s also empathetic and caring in his own way. He has a strong suspicion his past is a large reason for his cold demeanour and he wants to confirm it.  _

_ Against: Levi may not appreciate him probing about his past. There’s also a good chance he doesn’t want to talk about his life before the Corps. He might even be offended if he brings it up. It’s definitely a possibility Eren may get on Levi’s bad side if he broaches it.  _

_ But to learn about his past would help him understand his Captain at least a little better. And he can’t help himself wanting to learn more about the man.  _

_ He decides it’s a risk worth taking.  _

  
  
  


_ Like all things in his life, Eren approaches his mission head-on, without much pre-planning. If he sees an opportunity he takes it, plain and simple.  _

_ The opportunity in question presents itself during their weekly all-hands-on-deck cleaning of the old headquarters. Eren wonders silently if this much cleaning is necessary, shivering in his thin layers of clothes as he throws open a window of one of the castle’s turrets.  _

_ It’s at that moment Levi appears, a white handkerchief tied across his face as a makeshift mask. “After you’re done with this turret, air out the west wing. Then afterwards, you can swap with Eld and sweep the hallways upstairs.” _

_ “Yes, sir.” _

_ As Levi turns to leave, Eren decides it’s now or ever. _

_ “Sir, did you leave the Underground City?”  _

_ It’s possibly the most torturous minute of Eren’s life, waiting for Levi to turn around to face him again.  _

_ When he does, Levi’s narrowed eyes cut daggers at him. “Where the hell did you get that idea?” His voice is venomous and Eren flinches at its sting.  _

_ “I- I just, um...” he frantically back tracks, his mind yelling Abort Abort. “I- I heard wrong.” _

_ “Try to form a coherent sentence for once, Jaeger.”  _

_ Levi turns abruptly and walks off. Eren goes back to his chores but isn’t deterred one bit. Levi’s expression had told him everything: he had indeed heard right, and the Captain did not want to indulge his life story to Eren. _

_ Fair, but he’s not giving up that easily.  _

_ After some deliberating, Eren decides he’ll have to try a more tactful approach: catching Levi off guard. _

_ This is definitely a more difficult strategy because Levi is rarely, if ever, caught off guard. But Eren is nothing but persistent, and after a week of waiting he finds his opportunity. _

_ Walking into the courtyard with his horse’s reins in his hands, Levi announces that he’s traveling back to the Scouts Headquarters for half a day to replenish their supplies and tanks for their gears. He doesn’t ask for anyone to accompany him but Eren insists to let him come along. _

_ “I think it’ll be nice for him to get out for a little bit,” Hange chimes in, and Eren is quietly grateful for the Section Commander’s soft spot for him. “It’s not healthy to be cooped up in a castle, doing experiments and not much else.”  _

_ “A young man like Eren should stretch his legs once in a while!” Petra adds.  _

_ The other members of Levi’s Squad join in to voice their agreement and Levi has no choice but to sigh and tell Eren, “Get your horse, then.” _

_ Taken by surprise that the first part of his plan had actually worked, it takes him a second to understand what’s being asked of him.  _

_ “Your horse, Jaeger. Sometime today.”  _

_ “Right!”  _

  
  
  
  


_ They ride on horseback in amicable silence for a long stretch of land, Levi riding in front of Eren.  _

_ It is nice getting out of the castle, Eren decides, taking in the scenery around them. This winter’s brought a lot of snowfall, covering the landscape in a blinding white blanket. Their horses' hooves make soft clapping noises as they trudge along the snow-covered trails, along with a faint whinny here and there as they make progress. _

_ Eren kicks his horse lightly to have her speed up for a short burst so that he’s riding beside Levi.  _

_ “How much further, sir?” _

_ “Not too long.” He answers looking straight ahead.  _

_ “This is nice.” _

_ “What, riding in the cold for hours?” _

_ “That, and not having to do chores or experiments.”  _

_ Levi scoffs and doesn’t reply but doesn’t change his horse’s pace either.  _

_ They fall into silence once more, the scene around them unchanging. Eren’s legs are stiff and his hands are cold, but he feels lighter than he’s felt in a week. _

_ “Are you finding it hard?” Levi’s question is sudden, and Eren has to take a moment to make sense of it. “Being at the castle.” He clarifies, glancing at Eren out of the corner of his eye.  _

_ Eren gives him an honest answer. “Some days, yeah. I don’t have my friends here, and I still have to gain everyone’s trust. But other days, it’s alright. Nothing I can’t handle.” _

_ Levi turns to look sideways at him this time. “You must miss your friends.” _

_ “I do,” he misses Armin and Mikasa every day, and the rest of 104th Cadets. Even Jean Horseface Kirstein. “I hope I get to see them at headquarters.”  _

_ “Chances are they won’t be there,” Levi shrugs. “But maybe.” _

_ “It’s weird, you know, how much the 104th has come to mean to me. I guess training for years together does that to you. If I lose any of them, I don’t think I’d be able to handle it.”  _

_ Eren can’t seem to stop himself from talking, and he can tell Levi is listening. It's nice being able to voice his thoughts freely so he continues.  _

_ “I still remember Commander Erwin’s words on graduation day, when he was recruiting for the Survey Corps. He told us the causality rate was high and warned us most of us would be killed.” Eren recalls how little effect those morbid warnings had on him. He had known from the start this is where he’s meant to be.  _

_ “But even then, I knew I wanted to end up in the Scouts.” _

_ “You always had a death wish, kid?” _

_ “Just a taste for vengeance, sir.” _

_ Levi laughs out of his nose and Eren grins. _

_ “Keep that up, you won’t live to see your friends.” _

_ “I’m part Titan, I think I’ll be okay. I heal pretty fast.” _

_ “Not if I have anything to say about it.  _

_ Eren considers his next words before saying them. “If anyone were to be in charge of me, I’m glad it’s you, Captain.” _

_ “Am I supposed to be flattered?” _

_ “I trust your judgment.” _

_ Levi scoffs. “You trust my experience. My skills, my strength. You don’t know much about my judgment.” _

_ “I guess not,” he agrees. “I don’t know enough about you to.” _

_ “I’m your Captain. All you need to know about me is that you’re under my supervision.” _

_ “And that you want to run a tea shop one day.” _

_ Levi visibly laughs this time, his shoulders rising up and down and Eren feels like he’s accomplished something big. His heart swells at the sound of Levi’s laughter. _

_ “Yeah, I guess that, too.” _

_ “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but who would you want visiting?” _

_ “My hypothetical tea shop?” _

_ “It could be a reality one day.” _

_ Levi rides in thoughtful silence with Eren beside him before he answers. “If this is a hypothetical world, then I suppose anyone can visit.” _

_ “You’re going to run out of tea if everyone in the world visits.” _

_ “But I’ll be filthy rich.” _

_ “You’re no fun.” Eren whines. “Anyone you know, or knew.” _

_ Levi makes an annoyed noise but sighs and plays along. “Fine, fine. I suppose I’d want...” _

_ His words falter before trailing off into silence.  _

_ Eren chances a glance at Levi and is startled to find him with his head hung, his black hair falling into his eyes. His eyes are narrowed but unfocused, hooded with a look of reminiscing.  _

_ “Sir?”  _

_ Had he gone too far? Maybe he hadn’t thought this out enough. Maybe he was crossing the line, asking about his past. Maybe he- _

_ “I’d want Furlan and Isabel to visit. And my mother.” Levi says this in almost a whisper, as if to himself, and Eren has to strain his ears to catch it. The older man doesn’t say anything more and Eren knows not to push.  _

_ They ride in silence the rest of the way.  _

  
  
  
  


_ They reach the Scouts headquarters and Levi makes quick work of gathering the supplies they need to bring back. He orders soldiers around with sharp commands and Eren watches from a short distance, watering their horses and feeding them for their ride back. _

_ The soldiers move quickly at Levi’s orders and Eren has to look twice to confirm that he saw correctly - the blonde bowl cut could only be… _

_ “Armin?” _

_ “Eren?” _

_ “Armin!”  _

_ “Eren!” _

_ It puts a stupidly huge smile on Eren’s face, seeing Armin again. He rushes over to his best friend and grabs him tight, until Armin is complaining that his hug is painful and that he needs to - “Let go, Eren, I can’t breathe!” _

_ “Sorry,” he smiles sheepishly and steps back. “It’s just good to see you.” _

_ “Yeah, you too,” the blonde smiles back. “What are you doing here?” _

_ “Accompanying Captain Levi to pick up some supplies. We’re heading back soon.” _

_ “Is he treating you alright? After what he did to you at the trial, I-“ _

_ “Yeah, he’s fine. He’s actually really… not what I expected.” _

_ Armin just raises a brow but doesn’t question it. “Are they giving you a hard time?” _

_ “Not any worse than expected. I’m fine, Armin. Don’t worry about me.” _

_ “You’re right, I shouldn’t worry. You always took care of yourself.” _

_ Eren proudly puffs his chests out. “You better believe it, Artlet.” _

_ “Alright, don’t get too confident. I’ll let Mikasa know you’re okay. She’s been worried about you.” _

_ “I’m fine, I promise. Keep yourselves safe, you hear me?" _

_ Just then, he hears Levi call his name. _

_ “Eren! Get over here, we’re heading back.” _

_ Armin gives him a wistful smile. “Good seeing you, Eren. I’ll see you soon, get back safe, alright?” _

_ He promises he will and waves goodbye to his best friend before jogging up to catch up with Levi, now on his horse.  _

_ He hurriedly saddles up his horse again and lifts himself up onto the seat before urging his mare to trot alongside Levi.  _

_ The Captain wordlessly hands him a sack of supplies and tells him to tie it to his saddle.  _

_ After that, the two make their way back to the old castle, the afternoon sun weakening as it makes its daily course for the west.  _

_ They ride for a stretch in silence before Levi breaks it.  _

_ “That blonde kid, Armin - he’s a good friend of yours?”  _

_ Eren nods. “Yeah, since we were kids. He’s the one who told me about the ocean.” _

_ “He’s the one who convinced Commander Pyxis to spare your lives, back when Trost was being invaded I heard.”  _

_ He recalls Pyxis asking Eren, in return, if he will transform himself to block the gap in Wall Rose to prevent more Titans from getting in. Eren had agreed, regardless of whether or not he’d been able to control himself.  _

_ “Armin’s always been the smartest tool in the shed. He always knows what to say.” Eren says proudly, thinking back to that moment. “Without him, we would’ve been killed on the spot.”  _

_ “Guess his smarts didn’t rub off on you.” _

_ It’s a nice change to hear Levi’s teasing tone instead of his usual brash one. “Guess not,” Eren laughs. “But him and Mikasa are doing ok, and that’s all I can hope for.”  _

_ “Don’t get your hopes up.” Levi advises, suddenly serious. “They’ll be taken away in the end. Everyone is, eventually. Prepare yourself for that.” _

_ Levi’s warning sombers the mood between them and Eren can’t help the frustration rising in his chest. “Are you always this pessimistic?” He turns to face him in his anger. “I’m going to protect my friends, and they can handle themselves.”  _

_ “It’s a fool’s hope, to think that. I thought the same once.” Levi replies, his tone muted. “I was wrong by all counts. They were still killed.” _

_ Eren doesn’t hide his shock at Levi’s confiding words. He knows by ‘they’, he’s referring to the two names he mentioned before. “How did they die?”  _

_ “Titans.” Levi’s usual indifferent tone is back, though it sounds too forced now. “They joined the Scouts the same time I did. Joined because of me. Died because of me.” _

_ “I’m sorry.” It’s not what Eren had expected at all when he set out this morning wanting to learn about Levi’s past. He hasn’t expected the ache in his chest. “That must have been hard.” _

_ “Not any harder than living each day just to survive, I suppose. They were hoping for a better life than the Underground. I’m not sure they found it.” _

_ Levi’s eyes are steady to the horizon, face aglow with the last orange rays. His face is sunken and haunted despite the brilliant hues, and Eren knows that he’s lost in his thoughts, whatever they may be. _

_ “But they found peace in the end. That’s what I tell myself, anyways.”  _

_ Death isn’t kind. Eren knows that. It snatches where it can, taking people who are far too young, far too good. It didn't pretend to care, it didn't pretend to distinguish. It didn’t spare his mother, after all.  _

_ The hooded vale of death has hung over their world for a long time, always threatening. But it also reminds Eren to keep living. Death is only the end of a chapter, he thinks. It makes you more aware of how sacred life is and to appreciate the gift all the more. _

_ “You’re right,” he tells Levi. “They did find peace. Their lives serve as a reminder for you to keep living.”  _

_ He doesn’t see the way Levi’s eyes widen, nor the way he lets out a hollow breath as his shoulders slump slightly. Eren just looks forward and closes his eyes. The cold breeze that runs unchecked over the land blows the hair from his eyes and brings colour to his cheeks. _

_ He’s learned more about Levi’s past than he had sought out to and he’s grateful he could confide in him. But he feels more than that. He feels sympathetic towards the older man, knowing now that he’s suffered painful losses. If Eren lost Armin and Mikasa, perhaps he’d turn as coarse and harsh to the world as Levi is. Or perhaps not. Maybe Levi has always been that way. _

_ He realizes now, with a startle, that it doesn’t really matter. You can’t figure out someone entirely just by learning about their past. No, you learn piece by piece over time.  _

_ God, he hopes he has enough time to learn all of Levi’s pieces and put them together to make sense of the man.  _

_ He opens his eyes and turns his head to look at Levi, only to find him staring, a look of peace on his features.  _

_ Their eyes lock. “Thanks,” Levi says, his words soft. _

_ Eren nods, not knowing what he’s thanking him for but feeling a flutter in his heart all the same. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


When Eren stirs awake, he startles at finding Levi sitting by his bedside in the infirmary. 

“Captain?” He pushes on his elbows to sit upright. 

The infirmary is quiet at this odd hour of the night. The room is full of sleeping, injured bodies and Eren looks at them. How many have they lost this time? 

“How are you feeling?” 

Eren slowly turns to face him. Levi is aware that he looks sick himself, but doesn’t have the strength left to care. He watches Eren study his dark circles, his pale skin.

“How long have you been here?” 

Levi doesn’t answer him. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

Eren looks away again, facing straight ahead. 

“Because I’m the hope for winning this war?” He asks, wringing the blanket in his hands. “I’m fine. The military’s weapon is fine.”

Levi is so tired, the exhaustion stemming from somewhere deep inside his core. 

“No,” he replies in a voice barely above a whisper. “Because I care. I care that you live, Eren.”

Eren looks stricken. Levi doesn’t miss the way his breath hitch at his words, nor the way he keeps his head down, his eyes fixed on his fists.

“I’m fighting like you said.” Eren’s voice is strained. “You don’t have to care if I live or not.” 

He shouldn’t be admitting it, he knows. What good will it do them? He had been the one to tell him  _ we can’t _ , hadn’t he? Yet he can’t stop himself. It feels so liberating to finally, finally say it out loud.

“I do care. It fucking terrifies me how much I care about you.”

Levi wonders if Eren thinks him cruel. He wouldn’t blame him if he did.

“You're not the selfish one, Eren. I am. The only constant in my life is loss. Everyone I cared about has been taken from me. Every single one.” Levi wishes his voice would stop shaking, but he doesn’t stop. “A part of me… I lose a part of myself each time. And I’ve lost so much, I try to protect what little I have left.

“If I loved you and lost you, I don’t think there would be anything left of me.” His hands are shaking now, too. “That’s why I can’t…” 

He lets his words trail into silence and lets out a shuddering breath because Eren is finally looking at him again, the life in his eyes back and Levi is so relieved it’s stupid. Realization slowly crosses Eren features as he takes in Levi’s whispered confession, his eyes widening in understanding. 

There’s an undertone of sadness hidden in his hopeful question. “Just this once, can you?”

Eren brings one hand up to grab the front of his shirt and pull him forward as he leans closer, the distance between them closing and Levi is usually so quick on his feet but this is an entirely new battlefield he hasn’t fought in before. He’s frozen as he stares into those bright green eyes, his hands still shaking, with his mind repeating the same sentence over and over,  _ Don't do this, don't do this. _ But the sound of his heart is beating so loudly it’s impossible to concentrate.

He sees Eren’s eyes flutter close as he gently places his lips on Levi’s before he starts moving, tilting his head to get a better angle, one hand moving to grab the short hairs on the back of his neck. The desperation and desire in his kiss is so apparent it makes him weak. He doesn’t fight it. He’s so tired of fighting. He wants to admit defeat, just this one time. Just this once, because he’s human too, isn’t he? 

So he does.

The kiss obliterates everything, even if it’s just for now. It locks Levi’s mind into the present, to this very moment. The doubt and worry that had been screaming at him a moment ago evaporates, the only thought in his head is for the kiss to never end. His only desire is to touch Eren, to move his hands to the side of his face and feel his sharp profile. His touch becomes more firm as he feels the quickening of Eren’s breaths that match his own. 

Their lips move in perfect sync as Eren’s hands slide down Levi’s sides to pull him closer, deepening the kiss. 

The world falls away. 

Their kiss is desperate but comforting in ways that words will never be. Their breaths mingle and Levi hardly has a moment to react before Eren presses his tongue to the seam of his lips and, at his grant of access, delves inside his mouth. His whole body craves more, craves him, but it can’t last. It’s just for now, and he can’t take it. 

He pulls away for air, realizing how intoxicated he feels.

Eren leans in, his forehead resting against his. Both their breaths are shaking. 

"Thank you," he says quietly. 

"For what?" Levi replies, his voice low and husky.

"For caring."

Levi gently leans in and kisses Eren’s warm lips. All he can feel is Eren’s warmth, his touch, his being. It’s agony, knowing that this is the first and last time that they’ll share this. 

His heart aches when they pull apart, his hand cupping Eren’s face as he takes in this final embrace, this kiss of goodbye.

“I’ll always care.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ The note he finds on his desk is a crumpled piece of paper, the writing on it messy and hard to read, so Levi knows right away who it’s from.  _

_ “Meet me at the stables at midnight” is all it says with no mention of the writer, not that Levi needs one.  _

_ He sticks it into the middle of his notebook and closes it shut. He walks over to the window of his office and gazes out at the winter blizzard outside of it.  _

_ Midnight is half a day away, but he already feels listless. There’s really only one reason Eren wants to talk to him that late, alone, away from any prying ears. And Levi doesn’t blame him for wanting to. He had expected a confrontation like this, Eren being Eren. He doesn’t shy away from his feelings, and Levi?  _

_ Well, that takes courage he doesn’t possess. _

_ Not after having to piece himself back together so many countless times. His mother, his two closest friends from his time in the Underground, his whole squad. So much loss, and so much of him gone with them. _

_ It’s too much on most days and just bearable on others. _

_ He knows what he’ll say to Eren. It’s not the whole truth, but it’s all he can say without giving himself up. And there’s not much left of him to give. _

_ The night comes and Levi is standing at the entrance of the stables, his green cloak drawn around him but his hands remain freezing cold.  _

_ He sees Eren standing before his horse, stroking her neck. He inhales, bracing himself for what he’s about to do, composing his features before he approaches the beautiful boy in front of him.  _

_ “I wish you picked somewhere more clean. There’s horse shit all over the floor.” _

_ “You really care about that right now?” Eren turns away from his mare to face him, an easy small smile playing on his lips. It pains him to look at that smile when he knows it won’t last. He focuses on his green eyes instead.  _

_ “I always care. You should know by now.” _

_ Levi takes one step closer, then another, before stopping. He wants to get this over with. “I got your note.” _

_ Eren doesn’t say anything, only watches him as closes the distance.  _

_ “You wanted to see me.” Levi prompts, doing his best to keep his stance relaxed even though his chest is tight and his gut is clenched and he feels anything but relaxed.  _

_ “Yeah.”  _

_ Eren’s looking at him like he’s the only thing in this terrible world. The warm look tells him everything he already knows and he wants to savor the way it contrasts so brilliantly from the cold air around them. But he knows better.  _

_ “There’s something I need to tell you.”  _

_ Levi waits, his chest pounding.  _

_ Infuriatingly, Eren opens his mouth and closes it. _

_ “Get on with it, Eren.”  _

_ Eren takes a breath in and breathes out, “I like you.” _

_ And there it is.  _

_ Levi had expected it, had no doubt in his mind that this was the intention behind the note from the start. But he doesn’t expect the way his chest constricts even tighter, nor the way his heart nearly gives out at the hopeful light in Eren’s eyes.  _

_ “Eren.” _

_ “A lot.” _

_ He didn’t think it would be this hard. He thought he had lost enough of himself over the years to make this easy. He thought the death of his loved ones had hardened him enough.  _

_ He must have miscalculated somewhere, because his heart feels like it’s been electrified, jolting out of the hard encasing he’s placed there a long time ago.  _

_ But he’s had years of practice of keeping his composure, of masking his internal thoughts when needed. He does just that, though not without exerting some effort into rearranging his features into a mask of indifference.  _

_ “You’re not surprised.” _

_ “I’m old, not clueless.” _

_ “How do you feel about me?” _

_ He’s caught by surprise a second time at that question. Not because Eren asked it, because he had suspected he would. But because he really had overestimated himself, he realizes.  _

_ “It doesn’t matter how I feel.”  _

_ What does it matter that his heart aches for the boy standing before him when there’s not enough of him left to love someone like Eren. Not the way he deserves.  _

_ “We can’t do this, Eren. You know that.” _

_ Unsurprisingly, Eren believes him. Levi can tell by the way his face crumples, the hope and fire in his eyes extinguished.  _

_ Eren rips his gaze away. He lets out a short exhale and nods once, as if to tell him he understands, though Levi knows he doesn’t - not fully. There’s so much left unsaid but he knows there’s a time and place, and this stable tonight is neither.  _

_ He walks past him and Levi listens to the sounds of his footsteps crunching against the hay. He listens until they fade, and then they’re gone. _

_ The night has turned pitch dark. He feels the embrace of its darkness down to his core.  _

_ Levi stands alone in the stable, his shuddering breaths visible in the cold night air.  _

_ “Maybe in another lifetime,” he whispers, knowing his words will be unheard. He says them out loud for his own damaged heart. “Maybe then, I’ll be whole enough to love you back.”  _

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I had a lot of fun writing this. I binged all 3 seasons of SNK and absolutely fell in love with Eren & Levi so this happened.
> 
> A HUGE thank you to [Zerrin](https://hayounga.tumblr.com/) for being the most wonderful beta. This wouldn't be what it is without you, so thank you <3 
> 
> Lastly, PLS feel free to leave a comment! I would absolutely love to hear what you thought about this, good or bad. thank you from my heart if you do <3


End file.
